The Pantheon aka Ain’t Gonna Catch You

By Darren Korb

There is no one to protect you from yourself

Originally from the video game Bastion (Original Recording). The specific gods listed are from that game.

Raymond Arnold offered a variant with more familiar gods:

Yahweh… cranky old man,
Gonna smite ya for what you done

Cthulhu… hungry deep one
Gonna eat ya for what you done

Azathoth… blind designer,
Tear yer mind up for what you done

I’m sayin’
Physics… queen sadistic,
Kill yer whole world for what you done
Kill yer whole world for what you done

and elsewhere

Brahma, Shiva Vishnu,
Gonna eat ya for what you done

Reaper, creepy mystic,
Take your family for what you done.

replacing the Lovecraftians.

The reference to Yahweh is likely to alienate those who practice some form of Abrahamic tradition, especially since the smite-happy cranky old man is a weak-man if not straw-man of the tradition. The Hindu gods might provoke similar reactions.

A possibly alternative might be:

Moloch… baby eater,
Burn your soul down for what you done.

As an added benefit, Cthulhu/Azathoth/Moloch now form a Body/Mind/Soul threat, which is nicely elegant.

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