In October 2012 as the first Secular Solstice ceremony was being planned, Raymond Arnold, the founder of our solstice tradition, was thinking a lot about death. In the space of three weeks, three of his friends had lost someone close to them. And it occurred to him that the rationality community had very little in the way of funeral ritual. Many of us have been to religious funerals. I have. And as much as I don’t believe in any of the doctrine, there was something comforting in having a hundred people join together to say a prayer in unison. What mattered was the knowledge that the deceased was not alone, that hundreds of people were connected to them, and to each other. For a few years, Raymond approached Solstice with this in mind – using it in part to explore small fragments of funeral ritual. Hopefully, one day, we’d have some words or deeds we could share together, that felt right. But funerals are not the time to experiment. It seems like the solution (if you want an epistemically sound culture with its own traditions) is to create new ritual in advance, and somehow make it already a part of your culture by the time someone dies. Among “cultural rationalists”, I’m not sure how much consensus there is. Some people identify with the far future. Others do not. Some people see death only to be fought with grim determination, never acceptance. For some, acceptance is necessary. I don’t know that there’s a final piece that can work for everyone, but the single best contender I know of is Eliezer’s Song of Dath Ilan: Even if the stars should die in heaven Our sins can never be undone No single death will be forgiven When fades at last the last lit sun. Then in the cold and silent black As light and matter end We’ll have ourselves a last look back And toast an absent friend.
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